The one with the condom apocalypse
by Setbythesystem
Summary: For Murdoc's birthday (something he is desperately trying to forget) 2D has a brilliant idea to throw him a birthday party. The problem (besides the entire thing) is that 2D mistakes something else for balloons…


Author's notes: I decided to write a Gorillaz fic just because I cannot stop listening to their songs right now. I am drawing a picture of this same scene and might post it (then again might not) but it's cute so most likely. The title is a reference to a fanfic I read by the first author I've ever read on here (sadly I'm not sure if she writes anymore haven't seen anything.) I like using references in my humor so do mind that you most likely won't understand the majority of that. I'd like to say if anyone knows her I left a little LucahJin reference in here ;) just find it. I decided to make it just T since… well it's this fandom. You think talk of prostitutes and something even more illegal, Kim Kardashian's ass, would be a shock to anyone? I can make this K if I wanted! Don't judge too much I wrote this in a day (also these fanfics are just for fun for me.)

Other recent fanfics:

Added to "Water Works" a "Just My Luck" fanfic

"Hidden and Seeking" a "Web Shows" fanfic

"The Savior Is Allergies" a "Just My Luck" fanfic

"Down At The Parlor" a "My Little Pony" fanfic

"And The Strings Are Playing" a "Clannad" fanfic

Nope. The number that doesn't matter today is the date that always comes around every year. The number that mattered is the one that doesn't repeat, the one that will go by to be celebrated once and never seen again, the number that doesn't get better as it gets bigger, the number that does not stop until it all stops… There is one thing that he could be talking about and it has nothing to do with credit cards, he is getting older. Well not that it is anything new but after legal age what do these numbers even matter? It doesn't help the fact that Noodle wrote it out herself with a ton of overly cute drawings around it. He wondered for a second what they were from. Maybe Shugo Chara (not that he'd know anything about that… seriously.) If it were anyone else who had done that they'd be finding them Dexter style. The worst part of that being up there though is that EVERYONE in the house sees it. Why do they need to know? This isn't a Sims game you're not going to be suddenly changing into some kind of old man just like that.

He thought over the entire calendar and the other dates around it. At least this will blow over quick, no need to have 2D be able to remember it for the week it lasts in his head. The thing is it is not that 2D would be anything like him, you know an ass, but he'd bring it up from time to time more of like you do when you want to show off that new puppy you got until it dies from getting run over a month later. Maybe put him on a leash so whenever he tries to talk about it yank on it. Can possibly go farther with that but the entire thing will look like some kind of Japanese skit that Noodle had them reenact… or BDSM. You don't know.

It was later that day that Russel had to do the usual of making sure 2D remembers everything he needs to by bringing him over to their little schedule board (to be honest it's just there for 2D and Noodle no one else will conform.) Majority of it was how to use the toilet or brush his teeth or which part of his body his nose is (just being safe from all the times Murdoc messed with him.) Basics so he can survive the day. Then there was the other things that were coming up that could require vocal practice or some kind of license he probably did not have. It was then that he saw the clearly bigger then Kim Kardashian's ass marked up date that took over the rest of the board which had said that that day was Murdoc's birthday. The time it took him to process the thought he already thought about birthday parties (the first thing he can relate to this entire thing.) Once though he managed to read Murdoc he had his little idea, one that would turn into a big problem…

"Hey, Russel?" His voice sounding too cute for the innocent mess he was (give him a beer and maybe not.)

"What is it D?"

"Maybe we should throw Murdoc a birthday party."

"I'm not sure about that D. You know how Murdoc is with his age. He'd probably ground you into beef." The sarcasm clearly not hitting 2D hard enough like Tomoya got hit by his father (I'm assuming.)

"I thought only Mum and Dad could ground me though. They used to do that to me whenever I'd try to put marshmallows in the microwave so that I could multiply them and start my own marshmallow store but the last time I did that they said that I was too old to do that and I'd have to take care of myself so they put me out on the streets to take care of myself. I still need to call them to ask if they're still anger… A week is a long time…"

Russel did a face palm needing to exaggerate it so that 2D got the message. Not that he would, though. His head goes deeper than his dick could. 2D began to brain storm with Russel going away hoping he could find his way back to wherever he needed to be without him.

At first the majority of it had over the top kind of things that Murdoc would love and maybe not mind as a birthday party. You know the usual, sex doll balloons, girls who are only wearing birthday presents to cover themselves up and all you had to do was open it for the surprise, pin the tail on 2D… literally. Maybe though, just maybe, he might want something a bit more homely. Something he probably never got as a child (something he far out grew.) A nice little birthday cake (of course not holding any candles because as Russel said it'd upset him), a nice gift from each of them (even though it might be some horrible joke like giving him a dildo), and just friends and "family" to cheer him up about his up and coming age. And balloons. Everyone loves balloons.

The days that have been going by weren't anything spectacular to Murdoc. There was no way he'd willingly go to the bar where he'd "have to" show his ID. He didn't need any prostitutes trying to get him to pay for sex with them thinking he's some poor old man. He can get woman on his own he's been doing it for years now. A slur of the tongue and some poor masochist would be at him. He doesn't need no damn pity! All he needs is… 2D?

2D was looking around the corner of one of the halls almost as though he was waiting for someone. The monkey is probably just hiding from some kind of bug he saw flying around or something. Little pain in the ass.

"What are you doing ass crack?"

2D jumped back a bit much like Tomoya wished he could do again (once again with the abuse jokes.) Besides close to pissing his pants (kinky) he was quite close to falling down the stairs he was next to.

"What did you do that for!" It was quite rare to find him angry. In all honesty it was quite adorable with him being quite scared from the incident, being all defensive with his hands close to his face like some kind of ninja squirrel (childhood reference.)

"Just checking up on what you were doing over here."

"I wasn't doing anything," it's not that it was just obvious, it was just such a bad lie that it was stupid but to be fair it is common to find 2D watching the shadows on the wall, creepy kid. Maybe he was just hiding from the shadows thinking they were beginning to attack him in all reality it was just a stapler… gun.

"Didn't look like nothing."

2D looked about like the ninja squirrel being cornered. He just had to act cool is what everyone always said… Act cool…

Murdoc stood as 2D completely froze up. What did he shit himself? Why is he acting like that? Maybe he learned to sleep standing up (and with his eyes open.) He studied over him for a while touching him in places he'd never have thought he'd have let him touch (don't be sick I'm talking about the waist and face.) Murdoc stood back for a bit and looked up and down 2D who has yet to budge.

He kicked him… in the crotch. Despite 2D's "cool" position before he couldn't help but crouch over as the pain took over him, like Tomoya when his father… I know.

It was after the pain started to subside that 2D noticed he had pissed himself. Murdoc couldn't care less besides the obvious of being able to tease the hell out of him for this. And 2D despite the horrible embarrassment had to admit that it felt kind of good… Ok! Wrong fanfic! Let us pretend this entire paragraph didn't happen, ok!

So in this were we left the story off before I had that crossover paragraph we had 2D on the ground (questionable enough on its own) in front of Murdoc (more questions about where this is going.) Luckily though it didn't go in the perverted direction that a normal person might intend.

"That hurt!"

"You think I care ass munch?" He grunted then went down the stairs. When he went downstairs though he didn't see a thing out of place for 2D to be watching over even around the next corner there wasn't anything. This was just too strange for 2D at least. He's not the brightest light bulb in a closet of light bulbs for Jeffery (my own special thanks if you can get that reference even though I think I thought the wrong name) but he's not that far from a regular mentally retarded person (going to get so much shit for that comment.) There is really something suspicious going on. Maybe either Russel or Noodle had him guard something but the both of them are smart enough to know better than that. Maybe the whole intent was for him to find it? 2D is easy bait and they all know that, should probably keep the damn hamster on a leash more often.

He really didn't see anything after a time of looking and it really wasn't worth it. Perhaps it was just 2D recalling a far off memory and he is finally getting his mind back (that being but a dream.) There wasn't much more to make of his strange behavior that would be so… predictable. Maybe he should just give up on this little search. If anything 2D is just trying to hide something stupid he's done or just something stupid overall. Murdoc really didn't care much more for that little ass munch so it wasn't worth it. He just went about his day like the rest of this past week, in shame.

Over the next couple of days there wasn't any kind of commotion in the house so everything was assumed to be fine. Not much else to go on this week besides… his birthday. Today was the day that is a day that will not be a day that will be accepted as a day in his book of days. It never has been. It's not like he'd have let age stop him from doing things before, hell he doesn't let anything stop him from doing things besides what happened with 2D… there is no talking about that in this household.

Besides the nothingness of the entire day there was one thing that he noticed was special about this day. He didn't go into his own room. How could he have not been in there the entire day? Walking over to his door he attempted to open it but failed to. Stupid thing must be locked or stuck. He got the keys out from his pocket and fiddled with the lock but it still wouldn't budge. This stupid thing what's wrong with it it's worse than 2D was after being to the dentist since his accident (which is a completely different story.) There was no choice he'd have to bang the door in. He really was not going to do some over dramatic run and then crash into it rather just kick on it till it opens much like 2D's bladder when it is being bladder shy. The thing is when he kicked it he heard something drop and break. Something expensive… The door slightly ajar he looked inside. There was shit EVERYWHERE around the door. He could barely see in. He then heard someone moving around… Damn it. Which bastard is that?

"Open up the Goddamn door!"

"But you have to wait for your surprise." 2D. He didn't even bother trying to hide it. Maybe he's smarter than he thought? Or just less stupid. He at least knows when he's caught.

"Open the damn door up you bloody dingbat." There was no response, "I SAID OPEN IT UP!"

"But you have to wait or else your surprise won't be ready!"

"I don't care about surprises!" He completely kicked the door in having it collapse the tower of stuff. There standing in the middle of his surprise was 2D… holding a balloon. But soon after looking on the table he realized it wasn't a balloon, it was a condom or should he say they were condoms. There was a load of condom balloons floating down from the gust of air from when he opened the door. But it wasn't just condom balloons that were there, there was also a banner that ready Happy then there was a big black space clearly marked out with markers then it read Birthday.

Besides those things there were a couple presents on the table that had a name tag on each from each of the other members. It was then that 2D pulled out a baseball bat.

"I was going to get a piñata but I know how much you like to hit me so I'll let you do it this time." 2D handed over the baseball bat to him. All he did for a while was stare at it unresponsive. It only took a little bit of time for him to make the first hit at 2D.

"Ow!"

Murdoc had an evil grin on his face (how cliché.) "You said I could hit you all I want."

"I didn't say the last part!"

Murdoc swung again barely missing 2D who coward over to the side slightly.

"Get over here you little shit, you promised for this to happen." Once again he attempted to swing at 2D who began to run out of the room when he did it.

"Nooooo!"

"Get over here!" The two of them chased around the house like this for the rest of the day, 2D hiding in trash cans, Murdoc looking into trash cans, 2D running for his life, Murdoc chasing 2D to take his life and Russel being the one thing to stop it in the end. To be honest he couldn't have blamed Murdoc but 2D was in for something.

The end


End file.
